Tips and Talk –June 2007
‘ Everything we do depends for its quality on the thinking we do first.
Our thinking depends on the quality of our attention for each other’
Nancy Kline
This month I have been revisiting Nancy Kline’s book ‘Time to Think’: if it has not crossed your path, make a commitment to get hold of it and read it cover to cover. There is not space in a newsletter to describe Kline’s approach in detail, but it is an approach that is deceptively simple, inherently respectful and that will resonate with NLPers.
She discovered from her work in education that the critical ingredient in the quality of students’ thinking was not IQ or background, but rather ‘how they were being treated by the people around them. She says, ‘We were fascinated to discover that when someone in your presence is trying to think, much of what you are hearing and seeing is your effect on them. That was progress, because once we could discover what that thinking-enhancing behaviour was, we could learn it and teach it. Unlike IQ or background, behaviour towards someone was not inherent. It could change.’
Sound familiar?
The problem with much of our communication with others is that it can actively ‘shut down’ thinking. How many times have you been in conversation with someone when they have said something that has sparked your interest, or triggered some thought of your own? What have you done? I suspect like most of us that your enthusiasm has got the better of you, and you have interrupted. The result has been to effectively stop the other person in their tracks: it is not just that they may not feel acknowledged or that their opinion does not count, the interruption interferes with the thinking process.
The other major enemy of clear, quality thinking is our discomfort with silences: we hear one and immediately rush to fill it – we interrupt. Frequently that silence was the other person taking stock, reviewing and fine-tuning their thoughts and again we effectively sabotage the process.
Nancy Kline called her combination of the essential behaviours which help people to think for themselves the Thinking Environment. She argues that if people are immersed in the ten components that make up the Thinking Environment, they think with clarity and imagination.
Her book, ‘Time to Think’ is insightful, inspirational and practically useful – give yourself a treat and read it.
‘Time to Think’, Nancy Kline, Cassell Illustrated 1999 ISBN 978-0-706377-45-3
NLP Tales …..Stories from ‘Everyday NLP folk’
Perceptual Positions
[We have recently been exploring Perceptual positions on the current Practitioner course (see April’s Tips and Talk) and the following is one participant’s reflections.]
Previously I would adopt 1st.Position with ease, and frequently, being very comfortable in this position. In hindsight I have realised that I have spent a disproportionate amount of time in this position, and not enough in 2nd and 3rd.
I have utilised 3rd Position from time to time, although it has been difficult not to bring in emotions when thinking about things that have already happened, or thinking about future events that I would be looking forward to. I find this position beneficial for planning ahead and for thinking through a problem.
Historically I have spent the least amount of time in 2nd Position, but have recently discovered that I need a balance of all three, in order to achieve more positive outcomes, and experience a greater learning curve regarding other people’s perspectives and feelings.
The Perceptual Positions exercise was a great mind opener for both my study partner and I. We each discovered that when we placed ourselves in Position 2, and then rehearsed the respective future meetings we were each going to attend, our behaviour and some of our responses changed when we returned to Position 1.
The main reason for this was that we appreciated the other person’s possible thoughts and feelings and realised that both parties wished for a positive closure on the matter. In fact it enriched our overall behaviour when we returned to Position 1, because each of us felt we had already gone through our respective meetings our minds. This enabled us to iron out the ‘stumbling blocks’ and come up with several more questions and several more possible solutions. In a way it covered all the bases and mentally prepared each of us for the event yet to happen.
Going forward, each time I am now faced with a challenging event, I am connecting with all three positions, rather than focusing primarily on Position 1.
Bren O’Neill
We are really keen to keep these NLP Tales going and would welcome any and all contributions. If you have an interesting or enlightening tale to share, please email it to us: info@innersense.info
Keep your eyes on the website for new courses, coming from September.
- Emotional Clarity ……. UPDATE
Johnny is going to be at the Chichester Practice Group on Monday July 16 for a ‘taster’ of Emotional Clarity. If you want to find out how useful this approach could be for you – this would be an ideal opportunity to find out more.
For details, phone Nina Guilfoyle 01243 776063
The two-day Emotional Clarity course is of particular interest to those of you using Time Line approaches with clients. Johnny Lovell has spent the last two years developing and refining a structure for setting up Time Line work so that, when you embark on the process, you are guaranteed success. (see April Newsletter for details)
 NLP Diploma
4 Days of NLP insights, skills and strategies for only £200!
Course dates: Sep 1, 8, 23, 30
Venue: Hamblin Hall, Bosham
Cost: £200 (This is a ‘special offer’ price. In addition there is a caption competition open to all those who book onto the course – the prize…. A total refund!)
Tip of the Month
One of the strengths of NLP is the emphasis on asking questions to find out more about a situation, rather than making statements. When we make a statement it will:
- Often be a reflection of your opinions
- Add to the pressure for the listener – yet more ‘shoulds’!
Questions work because they require you to think.
Nancy Kline talks about Incisive Questions. These are any questions that remove limiting assumptions that block your thinking. Good Incisive Questions are formed by:
1. Identifying the limiting assumption:
What are you assuming (that is stopping you achieving your goal)?
Example:
I would like to offer more ideas, but they will laugh at me.
To find the bedrock assumption:
That’s possible, but what are you assuming that makes that stop you?
Example:
That they’ll laugh at me because my ideas are stupid and ‘off the wall’.
2. Asking what is the positive opposite of that assumption.
Example:
My ideas are useful and creative precisely because they are not ‘run of the mill’. [Remember, it is the person’s own description that is important – it does not need to make sense to you.]
3. The Incisive Question:
If you knew that ( new freeing assumption) …. What ideas would you have towards that goal?
Example:
If you knew that your ideas are useful and creative precisely because they are not just ‘run of the mill’, what would you be suggesting?
4. Write down the Incisive Question.
Experiment
Think of some projects/goals that you would like to achieve, but feel ‘blocked’ on – Play with the above process.
Have fun!
Jenny and John
www.innersense.info
e: info@innersense.info
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