Tips and Talk – April 2007
We have just had the latest Practitioner weekend, part of which was spent exploring perceptual positions. For those of you new(ish) to NLP we’re talking about the way you experience a situation:
1st – experiencing the situation from your own perspective
2nd - putting yourself in someone else’s shoes
3rd - being the ‘neutral observer’
You wouldn’t think that getting people to stand on a piece of paper with 1st, 2nd. or 3rd. written on it would have much effect ….. I’ve stopped being surprised by now! Responses range from, ‘This is weird, but it feels really uncomfortable to be here.’ (And we are talking about standing on a piece of paper!), to total incapacity, people literally unable to step onto the paper.
We have a significant number of people from the ‘caring professions, and perhaps unsurprisingly, they experienced varying degrees of difficulty/discomfort remaining in 1st position. They were all very comfortable in 2nd: considering the wishes, needs and feelings of others felt natural and familiar. If you sense that this may apply to you, consider the following:
- How much is genuine, heart-felt concern for others, and how much is because you were told that you should always put others before yourself; indeed, that putting your own needs first was selfish?
- If you are genuinely concerned for others, how effective will you be if you are un-resourced and burnt-out? Remember the, ‘give yourself the oxygen first’ instruction in the event of decompression in the cabin of an aircraft?
We have probably all met people who have no trouble being in 1st. position, indeed they spend most of their time there. The difficulty with this way of experiencing life is that:
- You miss out on a lot of valuable information
- It can be more difficult to establish rapport with people
- You can spend a lot of time at the mercy of your emotions
Some people avoid 1st. and to some extent 2nd. position, spending most of their time in 3rd. They are ‘observers’, rather than ‘participants’; in other words they don’t engage emotionally.
This of course may have originally been adopted as a strategy for avoiding unpleasant emotions specific to a situation. Now it has generalised and taken on a life of its own; being emotionally disengaged has become a way of life.
Of course, the most useful position to be in is all of them – it just depends on the situation to determine which will be appropriate.
Read today’s ‘Experiment’ and practise visiting the positions you may have found uncomfortable and therefore been avoiding!
NLP Tales …..Stories from ‘Everyday NLP folk’
‘Lifesavers’
Hello Jenny and John,
I hope you are having a lovely week. I am so excited about my rapport practising, I had to write and let you know!
Now, there has been an administration error at work, resulting in a lot of angry people calling the department, and as my boss is off sick, I have to deal with them all.......Fantastic, lots of opportunities to practise my weekend’s NLP learning!
Yesterday I had a lady very upset on the phone, telling me she wanted to cancel her childcare and didn't want to continue with her agreement. I thought about my bottom line, ‘What would I not give in on?’ This was cancellation with immediate effect, for the simple reason, I can't do it!
While she let rip, I paced her energy and then gave my solution......she said no: back to pacing then. I asked her about her childcare, how she paid, talked about financial savings etc and by now she had calmed sufficiently to answer me and think about my questions (shutters up!). [This is referring to the fact that when we are in the thrall of negative emotions, our brain goes for the faster processing associated with ‘fight/flight’. This enhances our survival, but at the cost of reduced ability to think]. I told her she could cancel her agreement in three months if she decided it wasn't worth it and gave my solution again.......she said ok and thanked me for my help before we finished the conversation!!!
It’s funny, I was thinking about the way I used to deal with these phone calls: I would get off the phone as quickly as possible by saying that I’d get details and call the person back, (My shutters had gone down straight away). However, all I had to look forward to was the prospect of phoning back angry people! This time I was aware of how different my state was, my shutters stayed all the way up!
I am now fuelled for the hundreds of expected calls to follow ….. I have the tools to deal with them.(Please note how I am combining NLP techniques, to aid my work life!)
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
Current Practitioner Participant
We are really keen to keep these NLP Tales going and would welcome any and all contributions. If you have an interesting or enlightening tale to share, please email it to us: info@innersense.info
Keep your eyes on the website for new courses, coming from September.
- Emotional Clarity
This will be a two-day course, of particular interest to those of you using Time Line approaches with clients. Johnny Lovell has spent the last two years developing and refining a structure for setting up Time Line work so that, when you embark on the process, you are guaranteed success.
The evidence is compelling!
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- EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Level 1, Level 2 and Level 3 (AAMET accredited)
EFT is an emotional healing technique which is also capable of dramatically relieving many physical symptoms. It is based on a revolutionary discovery, supported by the laws of
quantum physics. It contends that:
“The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system.”
EFT works by tapping with the fingertips on various body locations. This tapping balances energy meridiens which become disrupted when we think about or become involved in an
emotionally disturbing experience.
The actual memory stays the same, but the emotional charge is gone.
Gary Craig, founder of EFT has recently commissioned an excellent introductory video; to view, go to www.emofree.com/splash/video
 The return of our NLP Diploma. This is often the first, and for some the only, level of training that people choose to experience. It forms the basis of the, ‘NLP Foundation Skills for Enhancing Personal Effectiveness’, course we have been running successfully for Childcare Professionals. Whatever your background, this course is brimful of useful practical ideas and strategies.
Course dates: Sep 1, 8, 23, 30
Venue: Hamblin Hall, Bosham, near Chichester West Sussex
Cost: £200 (This is a ‘special offer’ price. In addition there is a caption competition open to all those who book onto the course – the prize…. A total refund!)
Tip of the Month
If you find it difficult to stay dissociated in difficult situations and instead find your self living (and re-living) uncomfortable feelings, experiment with the following:
‘Cathy’s Screen’ (Named after a course delegate, whose ‘brainchild’ it was.)
Cathy had a difficult relationship with her father; he was a man of strong opinions, and whenever they were together, his practice was to assert his and dismiss hers. As a result she felt personally dismissed and dreaded her visits home …. And the annual ‘Christmas trip’ was imminent!
Naturally, when we met post-Christmas, the group was eager to know how Cathy had made it through her visit. It had been her most enjoyable stay for years! Her secret? – when her father started on his usual tirade, she imagined a glass screen rising up between them (she had the remote control!). On his side of the screen her father could be exactly as he needed to be – she could see him and hear him (though strangely at reduced decibels!) but his words and behaviour could not touch her. On her side of the screen she could remain calm and unassailable.
Experiment with your own ‘screen’.
- What material works best?
- What colour is most effective?
- Does a flat screen work, or do you need to be enclosed? (some people like to be in a protective bubble)
- Would you find an ‘environmental suit’ more helpful?
- Would you prefer that the other person be enclosed?
Let yourself really play until you find what works for you. I am still being amazed by reports I get from people describing how such a simple technique has transformed their experience.
Have fun!
Jenny and John
www.innersense.info
e: info@innersense.info
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