Tips and Talk - November 06

      This edition of ‘Tips and Talk’ is a little late as there will not be one in December: we will all be too busy arranging, enjoying or recovering from the festivities! So firstly ……

       Happy Christmas!

Now for the news … we have a series of ‘get together’ days planned for 2007. The days run from 10am – 4pm and a light lunch is included in the cost.

Presuppositions: preaching or practice?  Feb 10   (Open to all) cost £55

A group exists anytime there are more than two people
involved in an interaction. To understand how to be
successful and effective in groups is one of the most
important life skills that we can develop. In group
communications, we are conditioned to believe that the
words we speak and hear are the crucial parts of the
interaction. Yet it is the non-verbal elements of group
communications where the real dynamics are happening.’
Michael Grinder, developer of the
Group Mastery programme

 An Introduction to EFT   2 days -  Apr 28/29   (Open to all) cost £185

as it utilizes the same energy meridians used in traditional acupuncture to treat physical and emotional ailments, but without the invasiveness of
needles. Instead, simple tapping with the fingertips is
used, to input kinetic energy onto specific meridians on
the body, while tuned into a specific problem. The
creative use of statements enables the person to tune into
the issue and remain focused on the problem during the
session..

EFT can also be used to complement and enhance skills
such as Hypnotherapy, Psychology, NLP and Life Coaching.’
                                         Karl Dawson EFT Master

 ‘Crank up your Creativity’          Jul 21   (Open to all)

     Details to follow

NLP Tales …..Stories from ‘everyday NLP folk’

Challenging children, challenging change!

I was volunteering at my fifteenth community play scheme; a play scheme full of 185 energetic, noisy 5-10 year olds, many of whom are from disadvantaged backgrounds.

Set in a school hall that had been transformed into the undersea world of ‘Finding Nemo’, I was given responsibility for forty 8, 9 and 10 year olds, for three hours every morning. The group was fairly evenly split between girls and boys: I knew many of the children as I work regularly with some of the older siblings, and was aware of some of the complex difficulties that these kids face at home.

Some of the children were less than thrilled to be there: their lack of verbal communication, facial expressions, posture and immediate choice not to engage with the rest of the group, who were singing and dancing.

For the duration of the 3-day play scheme and I decided to implement NLP presupposition,
‘The meaning of all behaviour is positive’ as one that most appealed to me, and ‘Every behaviour is useful in some context.’ as my most challenging presupposition.

On the second day a girl of nine who didn’t seem to join in with the rest of the group, but who had been engaging with the adults, suddenly became completely withdrawn and did not want to do anything. All responses to suggestions were met with a resounding, ‘No!’, and she sat on the floor with her arms crossed, looking down at the floor and whining. Other helpers and children in our team were confused by this behaviour and looked to me to resolve the situation. I can honestly say that whining children feature in my top ten most irritating things, and I find it quite difficult to see its usefulness as a behaviour, so it was a real first challenge for my chosen presuppositions and the immediate frustration I felt.

Using the belief that this behaviour had a positive intention led me to approach the situation very differently from my normal response. I felt less irritated by the situation and more open to understanding. I found myself able to communicate with the child at her ‘level’, and I like to think that the situation was resolved more quickly than if I had approached her in my normal way, which would have probably led to more of a ‘stand off’ between myself and the child.

I felt much better about things after this incident, whereas at previous play schemes, I would have gone away at the end of the session feeling stressed and disappointed. For the remainder of the play scheme, spurred on by the ‘success’ on day two, I continued to use the NLP presuppositions.

Day three brought another difficult situation, from a ten-year old boy who I know often brings challenging behaviours to a team. He decided it would be a good idea to write obscenities on drawing paper during a singing activity, and circulate it to other children in the team.

When I was presented with some of his ‘written work’ by another child, my immediate reaction was to feel cross, but I was soon able to put this into context using NLP and once again approached the situation in a more open-minded and calm way. I sat down with the boy, who was looking very pleased with himself, and we talked through, (as best you can with 180+ kids singing and shouting around you!), why he had thought his actions were OK, and how his behaviour was impacting on the rest of the team.

I think he found it a bit strange and confusing not to be shouted at, but instead being talked to. I got down on his level and maintained eye contact and we agreed together how he would try and approach the rest of his time at the play scheme. I felt that the discussion ended on good terms.

I couldn’t have been more pleased when, by the final day both children were fully engaged in all of the activities and cheering on the whole team.

Using the NLP presuppositions helped me to feel more confident about my work at the play scheme. I feel that I have made progress in my work with children. The presupposition that ‘every behaviour is useful in some context’ remains quite challenging for me and feels odd in the first instance, but taking a step back, and reminding myself of this has definitely helped me approach things differently. I am looking forward to my next play scheme and can’t wait to put into practice my newly found calmness!

Finally, when all the children had gone home on the final day, a team helper, who was an experienced youth worker, gave me a hug and said, ‘I have learnt so much from you.’ …this was the cherry on the cake!

                                                                                                Rosie Parfitt

Tip of the Month

How do you describe the NLP Presuppositions?  Terry Mahony, a friend and colleague (whose book, ‘Words Work!’ is the best application of NLP in Education I have come across, and a bestseller with Anglo American), calls them a set of ‘Guiding Principles’. I couldn’t better that description, so thanks Terry!

Why do I like Terry’s description so much? Because one of the things that appealed to me about NLP from my first encounter with it was the description of it as a ‘methodology’, not a ‘theology’. Coming from a background in education I had had more than my fill over the years of various ‘..ologies’ and ‘..isms’. Each one purported to be the latest received wisdom, and implied that everything you had been doing up until now was redundant. So it was hearing NLP described as a methodology, which you could use to enhance your particular field of expertise, which got me going hotfoot to enrol on a Practitioner course.

Back to the ‘Guiding Principles’: they are not the NLP Commandments; you will not suffer dire retribution if you do not obey them; you are even free to conclude any of them is complete rubbish, (how gloriously refreshing!) However, if you use them as starting points for reflection and for examining your attitudes, as Rosie discovered, they can change your behaviour and therefore your results.

Experiment

The holiday period is often not without its challenges (I can almost see, hear and feel the nods of agreement!). We’re going to be spending much of it with our grandchildren and those of you who know me can get a sense of the grin ….. and it will still be exhausting!

This is a prime time for letting the presuppositions ease your way into relaxed enjoyment. Consider:
§         ‘Everyone (and I mean everyone) lives in their own model of the world’ It may not be the same as yours, but Uncle Fred’s model is just as important to him, and not necessarily wrong, just different.

§         ‘The intention of all behaviour is positive.’ When the younger children are running amok, arguing and grizzling, maybe what they really want is for an adult to take charge (and maybe even take them for a ‘time out’ nap.)

§         ‘The meaning of the communication is the response you get.’ Thanking someone for their gift can prove a minefield! – remember to thank them in a way that has meaning for them, not how you would like to be thanked: it might be different.

Act ‘as if’ these three presuppositions were true and notice the difference in your behaviour and the responses you get.

Have a good holiday

        Jenny and John

         www.innersense.info
         info@innersense.info

      Practitioner Certification, start date February 24